How Many Questions?

“Any last questions before we start the test?” I ask, standing before a group of 8th graders. We’re about to do our first test in Pre-algebra. Up to this point we’ve done classwork, homework and quizzes but this is the first actual test. 

“How many questions on the test?” a young scholar asks from the back of the room.

“Three hundred and fifty-six,” I reply completely deadpan.

The room explodes in chaos - voices talking over voices, complaints blending into complaints, a frenzy of emotion all focused on this ridiculously long test.

“We can’t do three hundred questions in an hour!”

“I’m not takin’it.”

“Shhhhhsh, we need all the time we can get.”

“Are they all true and false?”

“Twelve,” I say to the din, with a large smile on my face. 

“Twelve, problems,” I repeat, grinning. 

Slowly, my intrepid scholars calm…they’ve been had. I was kidding. The fell for it hook, line and sinker. 

This is a routine I will repeat every time they ask how many questions on a test or quiz. 

Six months later, as we near the end of the school year, we go through this song and dance again for, probably, the fifteenth time. 

“Any last questions before we start the test?” I ask.

“How many questions on the test?” a student asks.

“One hundred and seventeen,” I reply, completely deadpan, as usual.

By this time, most of my students know I always answer that question with a stupidly large number, but a few, and thankfully only a few, still haven’t caught on. 

“We can’t do a hundred questions in an hour!”

“Is this a take-home test?”

“Can we use our notes?”

“You know he’s kidding, right?”

“He always does this.”

“How many questions are there really?”

“Eight, there are eight questions. Please show your work. You can begin when I hand you the test.” 

Maybe it’s mean, but it amuses me so much to do this over and over again. 

It just never gets old for me.