Okay, I’m never doing that again

“Okay folks, I got you lined up a little early. Go find something to do for two minutes,” I said to a class of second graders when I was a substitute teacher. 

Looking back on these two little sentences, I can see so many problems with what I said and what I expected to happen. But, as a substitute teacher with, maybe, 50 hours in the classroom under my belt, it seemed like a reasonable thing to say.

Boy, was I wrong!

I’m sure my memory is not 100% accurate, but here’s how I recall the next few seconds after saying those words…

The sound in the room was like a jet engine starting up. Slowly at first, but determinedly building as the seconds ticked by. Soon, it was a deafening roar.

It was like an out of body experience. As I looked around the class, I saw kids pulling out board games, playing tag in the reading area, and I swear there were children swinging from the ceiling fans. One child was doing a hand-stand and another group were making a human pyramid. 

Thirty seconds - if that - it could have been a little as fifteen seconds before I was surrounded by complete and utter pandemonium. The sound was incredible, I know there were no more than thirty children in that room, but it felt like there must have been a hundred or more. 

“Sit down!” I yelled over the din. 

“Sit down in your seats!” I repeated.

“Return to your seats!” I shouted before I began to see a response. 

As if in slow motion. The children began to respond. Ever so slowly they filtered back to their seats. The room looked like a tornado had blown through. 

There was paper everywhere. Board games were open and their pieces and parts were scattered. Someone had let the hamster out of his habitat, all the windows were open and a cold breeze was gently wafting the detritus of my error across the floor.

Thirty quizzical little faces were looking at me. They were confused. Finally, it was silent.

“Okay, I’m never doing that again,” I whispered to myself as I lined them up to go to art.