An Anthropologist’s View

I am always surprised and amazed at what I find on the floors of the Bartlett hallways. The last two days before the February break, I picked up everything I found in the hall. I was wondering what would happen if an anthropologist examined what I picked up?

Let me be very clear about two things: I did not pick up anything disgusting - nothing with food reside on it (Gross - and why on Earth should that stuff be on the floor of the hallways?) also; any pencils or pens I found, went right into my borrowing bins so students could use, and re-lose, them again. (It’s sorta like a catch-and-release program).

What did I find? Valentines’ cards, empty candy boxes, a bag ‘o carrots, ranch dressing, school papers, a hair clip, bits ’n pieces of erasers, a $5 La La Buck (what ever the heck, that is), a science magazine (that came from my room), and assorted pieces and parts of packaging.

An anthropologist would put all the objects together and try to discern something about the culture of humans who left them behind. What can we figure out about the people and their culture?

Based on the two school papers found on the hallway floor, an anthropologist might say this is a careless group, but I would disagree. Note the candy boxes: They are empty. If these humans were genuinely careless they would have lost both full and empty candy boxes. Since only empty boxes were found, and assuming they were not on the floor long enough for the mice to empty them, I have to surmise the candy had value to the owners but the empty boxes did not. 

This assertion is supported by the bag ‘o carrots. It is full, unopened and was found in the general vicinity of the packet of ranch dressing. It is probably safe to assume they were together at some point and were dropped by the same individual. They may be become separated by the kicking action of so many middle school feet tromping down the hall. If this culture was one that valued all food items, then the carrots and dressing might have been found open. Since the candy was consumed and only the packaging was lost and the entire “snack” of carrots and ranch dressing was lost before being opened and consumed, it is likely that these individuals value candy over carrots. 

We can extend that idea to the school papers. Since about 120 kids use these halls on a daily basis, finding only two school papers is a pretty low percentage. That tells me the students do, in fact, value their work. If they did not find the work important, I would expect to find many more papers on the floor. Of course, as valued as the school work might be, it probably does not exceed the value of candy.

My conclusion: The humans who inhabit these hallways are selectively careless. They can and do hang on to what the most value i.e. candy, and are willing to let items of lesser importance fall the the floor i.e. empty boxes, school papers, and carrots. As a teacher who is dealing with students who “lose” their homework on a regular basis, I think I have hit upon a solution: I am going to start printing homework assignments on candy. 

No kid is going to lose a worksheet that’s printed on a slab of chocolate, right?