You Know It Ends In A Fiery Plane Crash, Right?

I was recently telling my wife about my day and mentioned the “I can’t trust myself” drawers. “Huh? What’s that?” she asked. I explained that I have a drawer for each of my four classes called the “I can’t trust myself to hang on to this” drawer. They are for students who have trouble keeping or finding unfinished work. She started laughing. I don’t know why, but she found it hilariously funny.

I told her I reserve the right to entertain myself and I do so as often as possible. This conversation got me thinking about all the things that have made me smirk, smile, laugh and giggle this year.

• Like my “Do Now” in the middle of the space unit that asked: “What is the Dark Side of the Moon?” I confirmed that none of my students are familiar with the work of a little known progressive rock band called Pink Floyd.

• Or my Paul McCartney question on a “Do Now.” They now know Sir Paul is in the Rock ‘n Roll hall of fame three times and Kanye West is just not that important (but don’t worry, I’m gonna let you finish.) 

• Watching students, who had been warned repeatedly about keeping all four feet of their chairs on the floor, tumble out of those tilted-back chairs. When I say students with an “s” on the end, I mean quite a few. How can you help but laugh as each one climbs up off the floor with a sheepish grin on his face? (Yes, it is always boys).

• The “I can follow instructions” test hidden within a chemistry test. Yes, only one student successfully read and followed the instructions.

• My intonation of “number nine, number nine” whenever we do problem number nine in math. They don’t get it but it makes me smile.

• Since my room doesn’t have much of a view, I use my projector to show live cam views from around, literally sometimes, the world when the kids are working hard. These always make me smile. The ISS live cam is one I project a lot. Here are a few of my favorites:

International Space Station 

San Francisco  

Lithuania

Rome

• I really enjoyed the subtle sabotage of my students who were reading To Kill a Mockingbird. “Have you gotten to the plane crash yet? You know it ends in a fiery plane crash, right? Oh, sorry, no more spoilers.” It went to a whole different level when students started cranking their friends on the plane crash thing. 

I do like to have fun and I often include my students in my jokes, but sometimes they don’t get them. And that’s fine. They are young and inexperienced. The kids are funny in their own right and they often make me laugh. For me, that’s one of my favorite parts of being a teacher - laughing with my students (and, occasionally, at them).

This is not how To Kill a Mockingbird ends.

Three, Two, One........One........Eyes on Me.............

And still the chatter continues. Talk about who said what to whom. Talk about homework for geometry class. Talk about gum and snacks. Talk, talk, talk. The buzz of several voices blending together into a low rumble. 

You do know, I can see your lips moving? 

You do realize, I know you are talking and not listening, right? 

I can see and hear you. 

I am looking at the back of your head and that means you are not paying attention to me. It means you are engaged in conversation with the person behind you. It is obvious.

I wait until I have 90% of the class's attention. This might be as good as it gets today. I have a lesson to teach and don’t have time to waste waiting for absolute silence.

“Please do this sheet,” I say, holding up a worksheet, “for homework.” 

“This sheet is your homework, and it is due Wednesday,” I say in my big radio voice. 

“Please note, there is a front and back for this sheet. Please do front and back for homework. It is due Wednesday,” I instruct for the third time.

And then it happens. It’s as predictable as the sunrise.

“Is there homework?” a bewildered voice calls out.

<Sigh> “Yes, this,” I say again, holding up the worksheet, “is for homework and it is due Wednesday.”

Then, I start calling students out by name.

“Betty (name changed to protect the guilty) how are you listening if you are talking to Amanda (again, name changed to protect the guilty)?” I inquire.

“I wasn’t talking!” exclaims Betty. 

Hmmmmmm, I think to myself. I must have been mistaken. I saw their lips moving. I saw their eyes locked on each other and not me. I heard their voices. My mistake, I guess. 

I move on, “Please put your homework where it needs to be in order to get home, get done, and get back to class.”

“Huh? Are we doing this sheet now?” Betty and Amanda ask, with a nice harmony in their joined voices.

And there it is.... an unintended admission. The smoking gun, so to speak. Confirmation. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.

“No, that sheet is your homework, and it is due Wednesday,” I say, for what feels like the 17th time.

Time to begin our lesson: “Without talking about it, please pull out the packet we were working on yesterday about cell theory,” I instruct. 

“But, what about this sheet?” another student asks with a whiney tone in his voice, holding up the homework worksheet.

And in my head, all I am hearing is “AAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH.”

Three Things I Learned During PARRC Testing

We’ve just finished our second, and final, round of PARCC ( BTW, PARCC stands for Partnership for Assessment of Readiness for College and Careers) testing for this school year. This round included the science MCAS (Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment System) test as well. As a teacher my role is to administer the tests. 

All I can say is thank heavens it’s over.

The Department of Education is a little fanatical about security. They have a host of security measures that the test administrators must follow. Probably the most important is that the test administrator must monitor the students taking the test and do nothing else. As a result, my first take away from the PARRC process is:

1. There is nothing more boring than spending two hours watching people take a test. Really, a total snorefest. I wander around the room, making sure all the students are working on the test, not talking, gesturing or using their pencils to tap out morse code. Honestly, I’d rather take the test than watch people take it.

2. The second thing I learned was that lots of kids raise their arms in the air when they are thinking. Of course, I’m thinking they have a question or problem so I rush over and he or she gives me this bewildered look as if to ask “Why on Earth are you here?”

3. Finally, I don’t think the PARRC people write great questions. From what I saw on the math practice tests, they sometimes bury the question. Instead of wording a problem in a simple and understandable manner, they seem to go out of their way to obscure the knowledge or skill they are testing for. They make it harder than it needs to be.

Anyway, I’m glad it over for the year, and I’m absolutely sure my students are as well.